Questions
by slam a revolving door
Summary: [Twoparter] 'She was too young, too inexperienced, too idealistic, too damaged to be any good for him.'
1. Him

**Disclaimer: **I don't own House … or Wonderwall by the Oasis.

**A/N: **This is a two-parter based on the ep where House has to do that speech for Vogler …

**Questions**

Even as he had stood up on the podium listening to the words that his mouth was saying, his eyes had sought her out in the audience. Her mouth had been slightly open, and her eyes were downcast. Her posture was slumped, and her entire air reeked of disappointment. He couldn't look away; he couldn't stop himself from speaking – did he honestly want to? He was pushing away at her, and she was slowly relinquishing her grip.

But now, the phantom of her presence still lingered in his apartment, and if he closed his eyes he could almost hear her voice as she stood there to hand in her resignation. He didn't shake her hand – how could he? That would have been so final … but wasn't this so final in any case?

_Today is gonna be the day  
That they're gonna throw it back to you  
By now you should've somehow  
Realized what you gotta do  
I don't believe that anybody  
Feels the way I do about you now  
_

Sure, maybe he loved her, maybe he didn't, what did it matter? He couldn't, wouldn't, would never be with her. He would hurt her, maim her, destroy her. He was too old, too disabled, too sarcastic. His barbs and taunts would break her eventually … and he didn't want to do that. So maybe it was best that she left now … before she was hurt. The pain he had just caused her was nothing to the pain that she would experience if she stayed.

_Backbeat the word was on the street  
That the fire in your heart is out  
I'm sure you've heard it all before  
But you never really had a doubt  
I don't believe that anybody feels  
The way I do about you now _

She had always been the one most likely, the one most willing, the one who wanted to trust in him the most. That was why she had been so disappointed in him, he supposed dimly. Foreman had never believed he would do the speech, and Chase had nothing to worry about.

She had handed him her heart on a silver platter and he had pushed it away. Maybe it fell on the ground, and maybe it had broken into pieces, and maybe it had shattered. Maybe he hadn't dared to look. Maybe Foreman was right and he was just an uncaring ass.

_And all the roads we have to walk along are winding  
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding  
There are many things that I would  
Like to say to you  
I don't know how _

It was so confusing, he mused as he downed yet another glass of whiskey. He wasn't supposed to be confused – he was The Doctor House, wasn't he? He solved the problems no one else could solve. But when it came to communication, he was adept as … a snail is at sprints. But he had always been bad at human relations – why was this any different? Why did he feel insufficient? And why, oh why did he feel like he had just made the worst mistake of his life?

_Because maybe  
You're gonna be the one saves saves me?  
And after all  
You're my wonderwall  
_

He leant heavily on his cane and stood up, making his way over to the kitchen to grab another bottle of whiskey. A jolt of pain flashed through his system, causing him to curse profoundly and down two Vicodins. His hand hesitated on the handle of the fridge for a moment, before he abandoned caution to the winds and took out another bottle – Scotch this time.

Limping back to the couch, he sat down heavily, closing his eyes. The night was still young.

_Today was gonna be the day  
But they'll never throw it back to you  
By now you should've somehow  
Realized what you're not to do  
I don't believe that anybody  
Feels the way I do  
About you now _

_I said maybe  
You're gonna be the one who saves me?  
And after all  
You're my wonderwall  
_

**Cameron's PoV next … **


	2. Her

**Disclaimer: **I do not own House M.D. or If You're Not The One by Daniel Bedingfield.

**Questions**

She left her car in the parking space outside his apartment, opting instead to walk home. She would pick it up later – when he was at work. The cold breeze brushed across her face, stinging reluctant tears from her wide eyes. This was it, wasn't it? This was the end. Perhaps it was better this way. This way she would no longer have to put up with his insults and he would no longer have to put up with her barely concealed feelings for him. They weren't _meant to be_, and they would never be _meant to be _no matter how much she tried to make it happen. She was too young, too inexperienced, too idealistic, too _damaged _to be any good for him.

She loved him.

But in the end, did it really matter how much she cared? She loved him. She would always love him. She would never be with him. It would never work.

_I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand  
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?  
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?_

Her steps pacing on the cool concrete were steady and light. Though they were slow, it somehow felt like she was running away. Cameron wasn't a coward, was she?

A car zoomed past, heading in the direction of the hospital. Perhaps that was their next patient on the way. She would never know now. It wasn't her patient anymore. The memory of the letters she had received that morning flashed through her head. No, it wasn't her patient – her work was with Yule now. Or at least it would be soon – once she mailed the acceptance letter. Somehow she had put off mailing that letter until she had informed House that she would be leaving. Maybe there was that shred of hope in her yet.

_I don't know why you're so far away  
But I know that this much is true  
We'll make it through  
And I hope you are the one I share my life with  
And I wish that you could be the one I die with  
And I pray in you're the one I build my home with  
I hope I love you all my life_

But why did she allow herself to hope? _This. Was. It. _House hadn't stopped her from leaving – as she had never thought he would. There was no hope. Maybe she would return to Princeton for a visit in ten years time and find him happy with someone else – the woman he lived with for a bit, maybe. Maybe he would have stopped taunting Cuddy about her blouses; maybe he would have stopped telling Chase that he was British; maybe he would have stopped making comments about Foreman. Maybe it would be because he was happy.

Or maybe it would be because he was dead.

_'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away  
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today  
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right  
And though I can't be with you tonight  
And know my heart is by your side_

She would allow herself to consider that. Taking one glance backwards in the general direction of House's apartment, she raised a hand in acknowledgement.

Perhaps she was saying goodbye to House.

Or perhaps she was saying goodbye to her heart.

_I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand  
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?  
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?_

_**-End-**_


End file.
